Season 3 EP. 89 No More Nice Series "What Being Nice Keeps Teaching People About Our Boundaries Pt. 2”

🎙 Season 3 EP. 89 No More Nice Series
"What Being Nice Keeps Teaching People About Our Boundaries PT.2"
(C2TC8 H.E.R. Circle)

Sometimes we don't lower our guard because someone earned our trust.

Sometimes we lower our guard because someone appears trustworthy.

In this reflective episode of Cut2TheChase@8 H.E.R. Circle, Madison Samone Chase explores the subtle ways being "nice" can teach people what to expect from our boundaries, our availability, our access, and our energy.

Together, we explore the difference between trusting someone's image and paying attention to their patterns, why discernment is not judgment but stewardship, and how rebuilding often begins when we stop explaining away what we're consistently observing.

This episode is for high-performing women who are learning to trust their discernment, honor their boundaries, and recognize that kindness and unlimited access are not the same thing.

As always, C2TC8 offers 3 Keys 🔑 and 1 Reflection Question ❓ designed to help you pause, reflect, and carry the lesson with you long after listening.

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If this episode pricked your heart or lit a spark, please follow the podcast, share it with someone you care about, leave a comment so this space becomes a dialogue and not just a monologue, and leave a five-star review.

And remember, there's always grace in this space.

Blessings to You & Yours! Until tomorrow.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Season three, no more nice series. This episode is entitled What Being Nice Keeps Teaching People Around Us About Our Boundaries. So for the last five years, I have had a lot of major life changes. Some of them are good, and some of them are not so good. But one thing that I realized is that some of the situations they seem to keep happening. And then I had to start to ask myself, and I had to sit with myself, and I had to sit with the truth of how I showed up with these very similar personality types, very similar predatory people types. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that this rebuilding season, this healing season, it keeps bringing me back to the same lesson. Some of these people are very similar in personality. Some of these places that I met these people are very similar. And some of these situations are very similar. But it brings me back to the same lesson. And that lesson for me is sometimes we don't lower our guard because someone earned our trust. Sometimes we lower our guard because someone appears trustworthy. And that trust could be given because of a title, the fill in the blank, this person is XYZ at XYZ. Or a platform. It could be this person has a platform where they have X amount of followers, and this person's personality type says this about them. It could be in a ministry. It could be a recommendation by someone who you thought was a friend. It could be a friendship, and the friendship could have a title because you've known them for X amount of years. It could be a relationship, a romantic relationship, a professional relationship. It could be a professional connection in terms of meeting someone in a social media space, a professional social media space or a social media space. And it could also be someone that everyone else seems to trust because their public persona says this, but in private, they do something different. And so before we realize it, we've begun trusting the image instead of paying attention to this person's pattern. So today I wanted to share about what being nice for me, what did it keep teaching people about my boundaries and possibly your boundaries? Because sometimes the lesson isn't about who they were. And sometimes it is about who they were too, because if you tend to attract very similar people, you have to ask yourself, what am I potentially doing and how am I showing up where I keep attracting similar personality types in similar situations? Because sometimes a lesson is about what our repeated actions taught people that they could expect from us. So again, the title for today's episode is What Being Nice Keeps Teaching People About Our Boundaries. Hey, y'all, I'm Madison Simone Chase, also known as Miss Chase. I was raised in church, and my faith journey has always been at the center of who I am. And I am incredibly thankful to have been raised by a hardworking, high-performing, sacrificial single mother who remains my biggest fan and my forever BFF, my bestie, my best friend for real. Honoring God through service and making my mama proud and using the gifts he gave me has always been deeply important to me. But somewhere along the way, while building dual careers in healthcare and wellness, showing up for people, working with celebrity clients, serving, helping, supporting, encouraging, and constantly being nice, I've started noticing a recurring theme in both my personal and professional life. And I realized there is a difference between being kind and being endlessly accessible. And then there's a difference between service and overextension. Then there is a difference between kindness with discernment and niceness without boundaries. And slowly I began recognizing how many people, places, and things in my life were constantly taking, sucking, leeching without ever truly pulling back into me with any reciprocity. And that realization didn't make me stop being who I am called to be. It made me honest. And honestly, it became the beginning of my rebuilding season in the No More Nice series. So now in season three of Cut to the Chase at Eight, with 335 episodes, this podcast has evolved into something revelatory. And this was Cut to the Chase at Eight, and now it is C2TC8, her circle, her standing for high performing, empowered women who are ready to thrive and who are ready to stop merely surviving and finally begin rebuilding, thriving, discerning, healing, and becoming in real time and being a soul full sheo. Because that's what we're called to be. And alongside that rebuilding journey is exactly who we are purposed to be. And it doesn't have to be perfect, but as a commitment to stop shrinking, to stop overextending, to stop abandoning my discernment, to stop delaying the purpose, the vision, the peace, and calling God placed inside of each of us. So whether you're a high-performing mother, single mother, caretaker, entrepreneur, aspiring entrepreneur, working a nine to five, juggling two to three jobs, quietly rebuilding, or simply trying to hold yourself together while growing through life in real time in these interesting times, in this space and giving yourself tons of grace in this circle. This is for you. So if you're listening or watching, I want you to pull up a real chair or a digital chair, grab yourself a cup of hot or cold herbal tea, and welcome to my cozy home of C2 TC8 per circle, a 15-minute micro learning moment for macro living transformation. And I am truly overjoyed that you are here because this is where we explore life together through our lived experiences, yours and mine, while giving ourselves real grace in this space as we navigate some very interesting times. And here we talk about spirit, mind, and body health because our health is truly our wealth and microdoses for micro living. So make sure you join me twice daily for just 15 minutes at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. Central Standard Time because this is your daily pause for a cause for clarity, wellness, discernment, grace, healing, intentional decision making, and rebuilding. Because how we begin our day and how we end it matters. Each episode of my offer to you is three keys and one reflective question: something practical, something grounded, and something you can carry with you long after the episode ends. So wherever you're listening from, I want you to turn it up and tune in. And if anything you hear today pricks your heart or lights a spark, I'd love for you to subscribe, share this episode with someone you care about, and leave a five-star review so that this space can continue to grow and reach others. And please leave a comment so that this is not a monologue but a dialogue. Now let's take one breath together. We're gonna inhale for three, two, one, exhale for five, four, three, two, one. Let's lean into today's episode of C2TC8, her circle. Let's cut the noise, let's get clear, let's get ready, set, go, and grow and be great towards the life we were truly called to steward. So again, the title for today's episode What being nice keeps teaching people about our boundaries. Again, I've been thinking about this a lot, hence why this episode is almost three hours later. About how many of us were taught to look for good people or the good in people. And not just see the good, but actually look for it, especially in faith spaces, especially as women, especially as caregivers, especially as people who genuinely want to see others succeed. We were taught to be understanding, to be compassionate, to extend grace, to give people the benefit of the doubt. And those things can be beautiful until they begin overriding what we're consistently observing and what we actually see with their actions. And the more I set with that, the more I realized that many of us don't lower our guard because someone earned our trust. We lower our guard because someone appears trustworthy. And that could be the things that we see socially on social media from their title to how many followers they have to how much money they make or have made. And sometimes they appear successful, they appear spiritual, they appear to say they have faith. And sometimes they appear influential. And sometimes we don't know if it's manufactured or if that was purchased too. Sometimes they appear professional, sometimes they come recommended by someone we trust. And sometimes they simply have a public image that feels safe. It's like safe adjacent. And before we realize it, we're trusting the image instead of paying attention to the patterns. And what's interesting in that lesson for me, it doesn't just belong to one environment because I've seen it show up in fake spaces, I've seen it show up in workplaces, I've seen it show up in friendship groups, whether that's in real life or social media text groups. I've seen it show up in business, I've seen it show up in romantic relationships in different environments, but the same lesson. And perhaps that's why this rebuilding season keeps bringing me back here. Because character has to be observed, not assumed. Public image and private character are not always the same thing. Sometimes they align beautifully, sometimes they don't. And discernment is what keeps us recognizing the difference. And the more I reflected on this, the more I realized that being nice often taught me to explain things away. Maybe they're stressed, maybe they're hurting, maybe they're having a difficult season, maybe they didn't mean it, maybe it'll get better, maybe I misunderstood. And sometimes those things are true, but sometimes patterns are trying to tell us something. And we keep talking ourselves out of what we've consistently experiencing with this person. And not because we're foolish or unwise, but because being nice often feels more comfortable than being honest, especially when honesty requires us to rethink what we believed about someone, especially when honesty requires us to acknowledge what words and actions may not align. When that honesty requires us to stop giving unlimited access. And that's what got me thinking, contemplating. Maybe being nice wasn't just affecting my relationships. Maybe it was teaching people something about my boundaries. Maybe my repeated accommodation was teaching people they could continue asking because I would say yes. Maybe my repeated availability was teaching people that they could continue taking. Maybe my repeated explanations were teaching people they never needed accountability. Not because I intended to teach those things, but because those behaviors they do teach. And that's a difficult realization. Which brings me to the PPT audit, people. As you think about the people in your life, who are you trusting because of an image? And who are you trusting because of patterns? And is there a difference? Places. What environments encourage discernment and what environments encourage us to abandon it? Faith spaces, workplaces, social circles, professional organizations, things. What habits make it easier to override our own discernment? People pleasing, fear of conflict, wanting approval, overexplaining, wanting everyone to like us? Which brings me to SAC, spontaneous assertive communication. Sometimes assertive communication starts with the conversation we have with ourselves. Can we tell ourselves the truth? Can we acknowledge what we're observing? Can we admit when a pattern has become a pattern? Can we stop explaining away every uncomfortable observation? Because discernment begins with honesty, and honesty begins with ourselves, which brings me to key number one. Public image can be manufactured, it can be purchased, patterns cannot. One of the things this rebuilding season keeps teaching me is that image and character are not the same thing. Image is presentation, patterns are evidence. Patterns reveal consistency, patterns reveal integrity, patterns reveal character, and eventually patterns tell the truth. Which brings me to key number two. Being nice without discernment teaches people about our boundaries. And this one has been difficult for me to sit with because for a long time I thought I was simply being kind, being understanding, being compassionate, being supportive, being available. But when I look back, I could see that my repeated actions were teaching people something. They were teaching those people that I'd be accommodating, I'd keep being accommodating, that I'd keep understanding, keep extending access, that I'd keep giving the benefit of the doubt. And over time, repeated access became expectation, repeated accommodation became permission. And not because I intended to teach that, but because my behavior, it was teaching them. Which brings me to key number three. Kindness requires discernment. And this may be the biggest lesson of them all. Because for years I treated kindness and discernment as if they were opposites, as if being discerning meant being cold. As if paying attention meant being judgmental. As if protecting my peace meant I wasn't being loving. But kindness and discernment were never meant to be separated. Real kindness pays attention, real kindness observes. Real kindness tells the truth. Real kindness recognizes that compassion and kindness do not require us to become collateral damage in someone else's toxic, destructive, or potentially lethal dysfunction. Kindness doesn't stop loving. It simply stops abandoning discernment. Our one reflection question. As I look back over different seasons, relationships, friendships, opportunities, workplaces, faith spaces, and environments, where have I been trusting the image instead of paying attention to the patterns? And what might change if I allow discernment to have an equal seat at the table with compassion moving forward? So if today's episode pricked your heart, gave language to something you've been carrying, or pricked your heart in with a spark, or reminded you that your piece deserves stewardship too. I'd love for you to subscribe, share this podcast with someone you care about, leave a comment and leave a five-star rating. And also leave a comment so that this becomes a dialogue and not amount of love, and that this space will continue to grow and help others. And if you've been quietly rebuilding alongside with me, I'd love for you to join the C2TC8 Her Circle community as we continue discerning, healing, growing, and becoming together in real time. Because this season is not about becoming hard, it's about becoming rooted. And thank you for joining me for another 15-minute micro learning moment for macro living transmate transformation. And remember that new episodes, 30 new episodes come out on the 15th of every month for 15 days, two episodes at 8 a.m. and 8 p.m. Central Standard Time. Now let's take one breath together. We're going to inhale for 3, 2, 1. Exhale for 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I'm Madison Simone Chase and this is C2TC8, her circle. Let's cut the noise. Let's get clear. Let's get ready, set, and go and grow and be great toward the life we were truly called to steward. Blessings to you and yours until tomorrow.